Generousity
Developing the capacity to be friendly without needing to be friends is the best way to negotiate power and love (Adam Kahane).
When we say things with more meaning than what is heard, it is tempting to try to expand the space for meaning (/and mitigate discomfort of change) by looking for similarities, ice-breaking, and building rapport.
But when we look for similarities, we minimize the space for the change we’re trying to bring. A system is designed to do what it has always been doing, and culture is a system.